Blog 16 - Disappointment: Navigating Unmet Expectations

Today, we're going to talk about something that hits close to home for many of us: what do we do in prayer when life doesn't turn out the way we expected—especially when we had every reason to believe it would?

For those of us in leadership carrying Kingdom assignments, unmet expectations can be particularly disorienting. The gap between what we anticipated and what we're experiencing can challenge not just our emotions, but the very foundation of how we pray and lead.

Let's lean in together with open hearts. This one's personal.

Expectation vs Reality

Let me begin with a story from my own life.

As a young mother, I had hopes—expectations, even—about what a godly home would look like. I grew up in a household where my mother had married a man who wasn't a Christian. Their values clashed, and my father didn't have the spiritual tools to overcome his personal struggles. So when their marriage fell apart, I understood it. It made sense.

I, on the other hand, married a man of God. So naturally, I believed my life would reflect peace and joy behind closed doors. Isn't that the fruit of walking with God?

But here's the truth: God isn't here to fulfill our agendas. He is, however, always faithful to fulfill His word.

 
God isn’t here to fulfill our agendas. He is, however, always faithful to fulfill His word.
 

My middle child was born with complex neurological challenges—autism and a range of comorbidities that made emotional regulation nearly impossible for her. Though brilliant, she struggled with anxiety, compulsions, rigidity, and deep depression.

The screaming, the volatility, the unpredictability—it shattered the picture I'd carried in my heart of a peaceful, nurturing home. The emotional carnage often felt like the very chaos I grew up in.

And I'll be honest—it broke my heart.

But today, I can joyfully say that my daughter has done the hard, courageous work of mastering her neurology. She's become a woman of poise, self-awareness, and compassion. She is happily married, an advocate for the marginalized, and truly a gift to us all.

Still, those early years were not what I expected. And it became crucial—not optional—for me to look not just at what I was experiencing but at what God was doing in the midst of it. I had to resist the enemy's invitation to pick up offense against God.

I had done it all "right," hadn't I? A godly marriage. A consecrated family. A life submitted to God. But what followed wasn't a blessing in the way I'd envisioned—it was hardship.

So, what do we do when the outcomes of our obedience don't match our expectations?

Exploring Suffering

Let's talk about suffering. The Bible gives us clarity on where it can come from:

1. We sometimes suffer because of our own choices—the natural consequences of wrong actions or decisions.

2. We experience discipline from God, which is not the same as punishment. Even Jesus, who was sinless, "learned obedience through what he suffered," as Hebrews tells us.

3. We suffer simply because we live in a fallen world. Just as there's common grace—those blessings that come to believers and unbelievers alike—there's also common suffering that touches everyone regardless of faith.

4. And fourth, sometimes suffering comes from spiritual warfare—what the Bible calls "the schemes of the enemy."

As leaders advancing God's purposes, this fourth source often intensifies. The enemy doesn't oppose neutral territory with the same vigor he brings against Kingdom advancement.

Strategic Intercession in the Midst of Pain

Here's where strategic intercession becomes so important. What if, instead of always praying for the suffering to end, we asked for wisdom? Insight? Alignment?

 
What if, instead of always praying for the suffering to end, we asked for wisdom? Insight? Alignment?
 

We can lessen suffering through repentance and making wise choices in response to God's counsel. We can benefit from suffering by yielding to discipline and experiencing what Hebrews calls "the peaceable fruit of righteousness."

We can even hijack common suffering to our benefit by appropriating God's promise to work all things for our good. And yes, we can use our spiritual authority to intervene against demonic assaults.

But notice something important: Scripture never promises the elimination of suffering in this life. It promises fruit—refinement, resilience, and deeper faith.

Think about gold. When fire is applied to gold, the result is the same whether it was an intentional refining fire or an accidental blaze. What matters is the composition of the material being tested. Either it's burned up, or it's purified.

We, too, are tested by fire. Whether our suffering comes from loving discipline or from the enemy's attack, the potential result is the same—depending on who we are. We can either be consumed by it or refined through it.

 
Think about gold. When fire is applied to gold, the result is the same whether it was an intentional refining fire or an accidental blaze.
 

Unmet Expectations: Judas vs Mary

The story of Jesus and the suffering that was necessary before His glorification gives us great insight. Lets discuss two characters in Jesus' life who were deeply impacted by the road Jesus took to glory.

The first was Judas. Like many Jews of his time, he expected the Messiah to overthrow Roman rule and establish a political kingdom. Judas had preconceived ideas about what the Messiah was supposed to accomplish. Life was hard, and Judas was tired of waiting.

Please note how Judas responded to his unmet expectations: he took matters into his own hands. Judas tried to force Jesus into action so that the outcome would match his own ideas.

What do you do when your expectations are not met or when God has not done what you expected?

It's tempting to orchestrate our own solutions and attempt to enforce them in prayer by decreeing and declaring our intended outcomes, this is not strategic intercession. In contrast, when we pray strategically, we come into alignment and agreement with God, not attempt to enforce our own desires.

 
It's tempting to orchestrate our own solutions and attempt to enforce them in prayer… this is not strategic intercession.
 

This distinction is vital. Authentic strategic intercession seeks God's agenda rather than manipulating prayer to achieve our own.

Now consider Mary. Have you ever thought about what she may have expected life to be like as the mother of the Messiah?

"Greetings! You are highly favored. The Lord is with you! You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you will name him Jesus... He will reign over Israel forever; his Kingdom will never end!" That's what the angel said.

All these things are true—Yet she stood at the foot of the cross, watching her son—the Messiah—be tortured and killed.

Her response remained: "I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as you have said."

That's surrender. That's trust when nothing makes sense.

 
Mary's response to her son being tortured and killed remained: "I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as you have said."
 
That’s surrender. That’s trust when nothing makes sense.
 

When Jesus Offends Our Expectations

John 6 tells the story of Jesus feeding the five thousand. The crowd wanted to make Him king by force. But Jesus withdrew.

They chased Him down, and He said: "You want to be with Me because I fed you, not because you understood the miraculous signs. Don't be so concerned about perishable things like food. Spend your energy seeking the eternal life that the Son of Man can give you."

They asked, "We want to perform God's works too. What should we do?" Jesus answered, "This is the only work God wants from you: Believe in the One He has sent."

Jesus knew how to shake loose those who followed Him only for the benefits of a kingdom they imagined, not out of true devotion to who He really is. So, then He shared a hard teaching: "Unless you eat My flesh and drink My blood..."

The words hit like thunder. Confusion turned to disgust. Murmurs rippled through the crowd like a rising tide of offense.

They weren’t just puzzled—they were appalled. They didn’t lean in—they recoiled. And one by one, they turned their backs and walked away—not because they didn’t hear Him, but because they did.

Jesus turned to the Twelve and asked, "Are you also going to leave?"

Peter replied, "Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words that give eternal life. We believe, and we know You are the Holy One of God."

This—this is the heart God is after. The heart that says: Even when I don't understand, I believe You. I trust You.

Anchored in His Character

We don't submit to God because life makes sense. We submit because He is God. Because His character is our anchor.

 
We don't submit to God because life makes sense. We submit because He is God. Because His character is our anchor.
 

Psalm 116:6 says, "How kind the Lord is! How good He is! So merciful, this God of ours!"

We may not understand our circumstances, but we can understand this: God is good. Always.

2 Corinthians 4:7 reminds us "We have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us."

When I was in the most intense and demanding season of raising my children—when I felt completely exhausted and barely able to keep going—I came to know God not just as my Provider, but as my Comforter, my Refuge, and my Counselor. In those desperate moments, as I reached out to Him, He met me with a deep and personal Presence that changed my relationship with Jesus in a powerful way.

And yes, in the middle of the fire, there was joy. That joy testified to His sustaining grace.

This is why having a prayer shield—people who see beyond your circumstances to God's purposes—becomes so crucial during unexpected seasons. Their intercession carries you when your own prayers feel weak.

 
This is why having a prayer shield—people who see beyond your circumstances to God’s purposes—becomes so crucial during unexpected seasons.
 

Ways to Glorify God—Only on Earth

And here's where we land today—with a beautiful, redemptive truth. There are some ways to glorify God that you will never again have the chance to offer Him once you're in Heaven.

 
There are some ways to glorify God that you will never again have the chance to offer Him once you’re in Heaven.
 

Isaiah 43:7 tells us we were created for His glory. 1 Corinthians 10:31 reminds us to do everything to glorify God. Jesus Himself said to His Father: "I glorified You on the Earth, having accomplished the work You gave Me to do."

What about us?

There are certain expressions of love, faith, and obedience that only exist on this side of eternity. They're raw. Costly. Holy. Let me name a few:

• Bearing up under duress
• Trusting God in the face of lack
• Obeying when it's hard
• Turning the other cheek
• Showing kindness when you've been hurt
• Rescuing the overlooked
• Representing God in the midst of darkness
• Taking courageous, faith-filled risks

This list is far from comprehensive. But these are offerings we only get to make here. Once we see Him face to face, there'll be no more lack, pain, or confusion. But now—you have the rare privilege of loving Him in the dark.

So ask yourself: What in my life right now gives me the opportunity to glorify God in a way I won't be able to in eternity?

This isn't just endurance—it's worship. And I'm celebrating that you get to offer Him this gift, handcrafted by your own circumstances. It's your personal love offering to Jesus.

 
This isn’t just endurance—it’s worship.
 

Closing Encouragement: The Gift in the Unexpected

Here's what I want you to take away:

1. We don't always get what we expect, even when we expect it for all the right reasons.
2. When we don't get what we expect, we have a choice to make as expressed by how we pray:
   • Manipulate, control, and justify our behavior
   • Or ponder and submit... with open palms before God
3. When rightly considered, the train wreck seasons of our lives are actually training grounds — the places where we learn surrender and empowerment, prerequisites for advancing the Kingdom.

 
The train wreck seasons of our lives are actually training grounds.
 

For leaders, these seasons often become the crucible where your most powerful ministry is formed. The unexpected disappointments become the very credentials that allow you to lead others through similar valleys with authority and compassion.

"So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold." (1 Peter 1:6-7)

If you're navigating unexpected disappointments in your leadership journey, I'd like to invite you to join our Strategic Intercession community. When you subscribe for free at strategicintercession.com, you'll receive my ebook and audiobook Prayer Shield which helps build the spiritual support you need during challenging seasons. It's our free gift to you.

You may not have chosen your current valley—but you do get to choose your response. Let it be one that glorifies God in a way you’ll never again have the chance to on this side of eternity: with trust in the dark, love in the tension, and faith that honors Him even here.